Monday, August 29, 2005
BLACKOUT (Part 1)
So you're on your way up to the Sierra foothills to spend a lovely weekend with your new lover. She's managed to fanegle a cabin for the two of you from her park ranger friend who's away herself. You've been looking forward to this with growing anticipation, ever since your previous and first encounter six weeks earlier in Berkeley. Already the chemistry between you feels great. Finally the day arrives, you head north from L.A. in your rental car, the directions are perfect, you reach the cabin in early afternoon.
And there she is, walking down the driveway as you pull up. Ready to bestow a warm and sensuous hug upon your person.
Politely she asks if you want anything to eat or drink, you take some water. And then...you find yourselves undressing each other right there on the living room carpet, you're not even going to make it to the bedroom.
Nirvana of nirvanas, no? A dream scenario, yes?
Well, maybe, because I don't remember the first two hours of it. I totally blacked out. It has to be one of the weirdest things that has even happened to me. Beyond mangling my left knee in a cycling accident. Beyond blowing out my aorta even. Because this smelled of something psychological, something I maybe could have prevented.
At first I was annoyed. Because J sat me down and explained all the delectable erotic bits my brain just drew a blank on. We fingered one another just to the point of fisting, we shared a strap-on, we humped each other, we ate each other out.
We moved about the cabin, apparently, which was rather spacious for a cabin. The woman owner had done well by it. We covered ground.
And I can't remember any of it. Not a drop. Part of me wants to roar with laughter, because the idea of that is so funny. Talk about falling asleep in your own porno movie! But then I had to ask myself, what does this mean?
J got kind of frightened about the whole thing. But not at first, it took her a while to realize I had checked out big time. We're not talking two minutes here of blackout, but more like two hours. After a while, J said she looked into my eyes and it dawned on her I simply wasn't home. Interesting how my body carried on doing its thing, and it was a while before J picked up on things.
She tried to talk me down out of my tree, but no luck. She waited a bit, hoping I might just come out of it on my own. No deal.
She even pondered calling this guy D that I live with, that she's heard about but has never met. No time like the present to meet him, at least over the telephone. She was actually set to call him and say something like, "Well D, ah, your girlfriend...seems like she's taken a hike somewhere...does she do this often?" or something like that.
J had no idea what was going on with me. There she is, alone with this blonde woman, in a cabin miles from civilization, as we are want to call it. And her ladyfriend has taken leave of her senses.
I am not sure what I would have done. I would have been scared, and J certainly admitted later that she WAS frightened. She just didn't know what to do with me.
I didn't know what to do about me, either. Did I need a medical doctor, a therapist, or a priest?
TO BE CONTINUED
And there she is, walking down the driveway as you pull up. Ready to bestow a warm and sensuous hug upon your person.
Politely she asks if you want anything to eat or drink, you take some water. And then...you find yourselves undressing each other right there on the living room carpet, you're not even going to make it to the bedroom.
Nirvana of nirvanas, no? A dream scenario, yes?
Well, maybe, because I don't remember the first two hours of it. I totally blacked out. It has to be one of the weirdest things that has even happened to me. Beyond mangling my left knee in a cycling accident. Beyond blowing out my aorta even. Because this smelled of something psychological, something I maybe could have prevented.
At first I was annoyed. Because J sat me down and explained all the delectable erotic bits my brain just drew a blank on. We fingered one another just to the point of fisting, we shared a strap-on, we humped each other, we ate each other out.
We moved about the cabin, apparently, which was rather spacious for a cabin. The woman owner had done well by it. We covered ground.
And I can't remember any of it. Not a drop. Part of me wants to roar with laughter, because the idea of that is so funny. Talk about falling asleep in your own porno movie! But then I had to ask myself, what does this mean?
J got kind of frightened about the whole thing. But not at first, it took her a while to realize I had checked out big time. We're not talking two minutes here of blackout, but more like two hours. After a while, J said she looked into my eyes and it dawned on her I simply wasn't home. Interesting how my body carried on doing its thing, and it was a while before J picked up on things.
She tried to talk me down out of my tree, but no luck. She waited a bit, hoping I might just come out of it on my own. No deal.
She even pondered calling this guy D that I live with, that she's heard about but has never met. No time like the present to meet him, at least over the telephone. She was actually set to call him and say something like, "Well D, ah, your girlfriend...seems like she's taken a hike somewhere...does she do this often?" or something like that.
J had no idea what was going on with me. There she is, alone with this blonde woman, in a cabin miles from civilization, as we are want to call it. And her ladyfriend has taken leave of her senses.
I am not sure what I would have done. I would have been scared, and J certainly admitted later that she WAS frightened. She just didn't know what to do with me.
I didn't know what to do about me, either. Did I need a medical doctor, a therapist, or a priest?
TO BE CONTINUED
