Thursday, November 17, 2005
The Fly On The Wall: At The Bathhouse
As my partner D is a bisexual man, he likes bathhouses. They represent nearly all of his sexual encounters with other men. As I am a bisexual woman, I am often left feeling jealous as hell that there aren't places like this for women. He and I have joked about how we should walk into his favorite bathhouse here in the south bay area, and try to convince the Powers That Be to let me come in with him. For one thing, it would certainly freak out a couple of the guys who run the place. They like D and think he's totally gay. My coming along for the ride would turn things topsy-turvy. They probably wouldn't go for the idea, so we haven't tried it yet.
But often I wonder what it would be like to be, so to speak, the proverbial "fly on the wall" and go along for the ride anyway. How does a bathhouse work?
For starters, you throw down your bucks, usually around $21, maybe a little more in some places if you want your own private room. You get a locker, you change clothes, you can hang in the general public areas around the hot tubs, saunas, pool if they have one.
If you have a private room, the drill is you keep your door open, you lie there on your bed, which nearly fills the room of course. You hang out and see who's likely to wander by. If you make the right eye contact and click, a simple smile can serve as an invitation to your man to come on in. Or men, depending if you find a gaggle of like-minded boys.
Now, usually during this "getting to know you" moment, you're lying there stroking yourself. At least D is. Sometimes he says the guys may just sit around together, waiting for someone, anyone, to make a move. D is usually a good icebreaker, he's ready to go, he'll be stroking himself as a way to stir the party up a little. He likes his Intended to be ready for action too, and is unwilling to spend time getting the guy there.
D says there is little verbal discussion. Girls, did you HEAR that?? No endless PROCESSING, praise be to Allah. The experience is not going to be buried under a pile of verbiage.
D usually always finds what he wants, sometimes it takes him only half an hour, or less; other times, he has to hang around for a while. Until he finds his man. Usually he wants to be the Bottom. This works out generally for him, as he has a pleasant manner and appearance. Well and good, but what really counts in this world is his rather huge set of balls and a very nice-sized dick. One of our threesome boys back in L.A. just flipped over the balls. He wanted to hold them. D let him. Roger Federer would feel at home serving up these balls on a tennis court. Usually the guys see D's equipment and they want HIM to be the Top. But his goal is normally to be the Bottom.
But somedays, you go to a bathhouse and EVERYONE wants to be the Bottom. Those days happen, no? So usually D is agreeable to being the Top. He can be a good switch. He's had plenty of practice over fifteen years with me.
Sometimes he runs across guys who can be a real pain. They don't take "no" for an answer. I love hearing this part of it, nearly all women can relate to the experience of being hounded by creeps. It amuses me to hear that males can have these problems too. D deals with them swiftly and clearly, usually with a wave of the hand, or a simple comment like "Move along, fella."
Am I worried about his safety? I get asked this a lot from gay women, who think I am playing Russian roulette. Bathhouses provide ample safe sex supplies, and D uses them religiously. You have to. What's disheartening to hear is that he often sees lots of guys who can't be bothered to put on a condom. D won't deal with them at all. Where have these guys been for the last two decades? Actually I would rather not know.
I would rather he hung out in a bathhouse instead of some other, more dangerous public place, like a parked car, or someplace like Griffith Park in Los Angeles, a major cruise and drug area. He's never been beaten up or robbed, and I would like that to continue.
Frankly, I feel assured that D practices safety. We have done this for fifteen years now. So I deduce that we must be doing a few things right.
Some of D's encounters generally sound so hot and exciting that I ask the question, "So does anyone ever trade phone numbers?"
Silly woman, no, they don't. It's a one-time affair. That's probably why it's so perfectly hot. I am a creature who gets attached to my pleasure sources. I have a good time, I want more. I tend to be more conservative, I like to think I may not always find it "down the road," I want what I had last night. D's attitude is that there are always boys out there in the ocean, and tomorrow is another day.
Anonymous sex can really be a thrill and a half. I am always looking for avenues to translate this attitude into the wacky World of Women.
Sadly, it gets lost in translation.
- - - - - -
But often I wonder what it would be like to be, so to speak, the proverbial "fly on the wall" and go along for the ride anyway. How does a bathhouse work?
For starters, you throw down your bucks, usually around $21, maybe a little more in some places if you want your own private room. You get a locker, you change clothes, you can hang in the general public areas around the hot tubs, saunas, pool if they have one.
If you have a private room, the drill is you keep your door open, you lie there on your bed, which nearly fills the room of course. You hang out and see who's likely to wander by. If you make the right eye contact and click, a simple smile can serve as an invitation to your man to come on in. Or men, depending if you find a gaggle of like-minded boys.
Now, usually during this "getting to know you" moment, you're lying there stroking yourself. At least D is. Sometimes he says the guys may just sit around together, waiting for someone, anyone, to make a move. D is usually a good icebreaker, he's ready to go, he'll be stroking himself as a way to stir the party up a little. He likes his Intended to be ready for action too, and is unwilling to spend time getting the guy there.
D says there is little verbal discussion. Girls, did you HEAR that?? No endless PROCESSING, praise be to Allah. The experience is not going to be buried under a pile of verbiage.
D usually always finds what he wants, sometimes it takes him only half an hour, or less; other times, he has to hang around for a while. Until he finds his man. Usually he wants to be the Bottom. This works out generally for him, as he has a pleasant manner and appearance. Well and good, but what really counts in this world is his rather huge set of balls and a very nice-sized dick. One of our threesome boys back in L.A. just flipped over the balls. He wanted to hold them. D let him. Roger Federer would feel at home serving up these balls on a tennis court. Usually the guys see D's equipment and they want HIM to be the Top. But his goal is normally to be the Bottom.
But somedays, you go to a bathhouse and EVERYONE wants to be the Bottom. Those days happen, no? So usually D is agreeable to being the Top. He can be a good switch. He's had plenty of practice over fifteen years with me.
Sometimes he runs across guys who can be a real pain. They don't take "no" for an answer. I love hearing this part of it, nearly all women can relate to the experience of being hounded by creeps. It amuses me to hear that males can have these problems too. D deals with them swiftly and clearly, usually with a wave of the hand, or a simple comment like "Move along, fella."
Am I worried about his safety? I get asked this a lot from gay women, who think I am playing Russian roulette. Bathhouses provide ample safe sex supplies, and D uses them religiously. You have to. What's disheartening to hear is that he often sees lots of guys who can't be bothered to put on a condom. D won't deal with them at all. Where have these guys been for the last two decades? Actually I would rather not know.
I would rather he hung out in a bathhouse instead of some other, more dangerous public place, like a parked car, or someplace like Griffith Park in Los Angeles, a major cruise and drug area. He's never been beaten up or robbed, and I would like that to continue.
Frankly, I feel assured that D practices safety. We have done this for fifteen years now. So I deduce that we must be doing a few things right.
Some of D's encounters generally sound so hot and exciting that I ask the question, "So does anyone ever trade phone numbers?"
Silly woman, no, they don't. It's a one-time affair. That's probably why it's so perfectly hot. I am a creature who gets attached to my pleasure sources. I have a good time, I want more. I tend to be more conservative, I like to think I may not always find it "down the road," I want what I had last night. D's attitude is that there are always boys out there in the ocean, and tomorrow is another day.
Anonymous sex can really be a thrill and a half. I am always looking for avenues to translate this attitude into the wacky World of Women.
Sadly, it gets lost in translation.
- - - - - -
