Thursday, February 02, 2006
Eros Party: Hetero Chubby Chasing
Recently we lost the Black Sheets sex parties here in San Francisco. They decided to take a break from things, so various and sundry persons were eager to fill the void they left. One crowd got together, someone knew the new owners of the men's bath house, Eros, and they managed to rent the place for a night for a private sex party.
We approve of the move to start such a new party, and while it mostly came together as planned there are a few issues that need addressing to make it better next time.
The guy who put this together asked for feedback after it was over, and Dave and I added our two cents. Big mistake it seemed, as the guy posted my comments on his club site. Various friends of his, who were also in attendance, flamed me good.
Why? Well, all because of the Whales. Whale is a term I picked up from my friend A, it describes big big big people, women in particular as they are usually the prime offenders. You've heard me rant and rave before about some of the huge women who attend these parties. They are an eyesore, and I had no problem saying so. Many people took offense. I responded that I think there is a place at a sex party for big people, they do get action at these parties, although I doubt if they do otherwise. But why do they have to be overwhelmingly fat? And this is the case. Can't we get a few other types of women to attend?
The guy in charge wrote back to say, bring your friends if you want. But my friends I know would not want to be at this party. They are not chubby chasers. They tend to be lean and fit and they want to find scenes with other lean and fit people. If I were balling my friends, which I am not, usually, not on any steady basis, then I would not be needing Eros, would I?
Since any good sex party will ascertain ahead of time, either by questionnaire or something similar, what types of people they are getting, why not add another category? Along with gender, sexual orientation and your experience with prior parties. That category would be how each guest would characterize themselves physically.
If I were a guy, cruising around for info on what sex parties I should think about spending my bucks on, I would want to know a bit about those parties ahead of time. Like who attends, is it more male than female, are the people attractive, or at least a good mix of all sorts of types.
You would not want to attend a party like this unless you are really into heterosexual chubby chasing. Because that's what you would have gotten here.
Unfortunately, this party had an outstanding number of fat women. There were two of us who were thin. Me and a woman named B apparently. We discovered this later. Our friend A pounced on her in a hurry and absconded with her svelte person. They have known each other for a while, and have played together over the years. She is married, her guy attends these parties too, but tonight he was elsewhere apparently.
Dave was disappointed because the queer guys were really not here tonight, and the ones who were queer, or seemingly gay, were heading for the door about the time we were.
We all expected something akin to a Black Sheets party, lots of queerness, more variety of types of people, more faggots in attendance, and certainly better music. The Eros party had a really strange mix of music. Everyone yelled later about that, so you can bet the music will be addressed.
The fat women? I don't know. For me, it is more than just an issue of fatness. Just recently I had a conversation with a player who feels the same way I do. "There are a lot of issues going on with them besides just the bigness stuff," he tells me. You get a whole can of worms too. I could sense that coming through as I read the web page and all the comments from (surprise) the big women in attendance.
So, why do I say there may be hope though for this party? Because hopefully they will attract a wider variety of people. Hopefully they will persuade the Eros owners to create a community play space. The nooks and crannies at Eros are cool and nice for twosomes, but if you want to invite a few other people over there's simply not enough larger play spaces. More and larger play areas. Not just cutsey bunk beds.
Did people fuck? A few of us did. Where A took his thin little honeybunch I dunno, it was a really SECRET hiding place I guess.
At one point Dave had me up against the railing by a bunk bed and was taking me from behind, me about a foot off the ground hanging onto the slates of the boards and he standing up behind me. He said it was a great visual. I could look through the slats and realize we had drawn a small crowd. People are always cruising and milling around at these events, checking out the action. Someone said, "Gee, this must be where everyone fucks," said one wag facetiously.
Some of the people we recognized from other parties. But apparently the mood was pretty consistent at the end: we need to have more of the Black Sheets flavor next time.
Better music, better variety of people, more queerness.
We appreciate their effort, we want more next time.
- - - - - - - -
We approve of the move to start such a new party, and while it mostly came together as planned there are a few issues that need addressing to make it better next time.
The guy who put this together asked for feedback after it was over, and Dave and I added our two cents. Big mistake it seemed, as the guy posted my comments on his club site. Various friends of his, who were also in attendance, flamed me good.
Why? Well, all because of the Whales. Whale is a term I picked up from my friend A, it describes big big big people, women in particular as they are usually the prime offenders. You've heard me rant and rave before about some of the huge women who attend these parties. They are an eyesore, and I had no problem saying so. Many people took offense. I responded that I think there is a place at a sex party for big people, they do get action at these parties, although I doubt if they do otherwise. But why do they have to be overwhelmingly fat? And this is the case. Can't we get a few other types of women to attend?
The guy in charge wrote back to say, bring your friends if you want. But my friends I know would not want to be at this party. They are not chubby chasers. They tend to be lean and fit and they want to find scenes with other lean and fit people. If I were balling my friends, which I am not, usually, not on any steady basis, then I would not be needing Eros, would I?
Since any good sex party will ascertain ahead of time, either by questionnaire or something similar, what types of people they are getting, why not add another category? Along with gender, sexual orientation and your experience with prior parties. That category would be how each guest would characterize themselves physically.
If I were a guy, cruising around for info on what sex parties I should think about spending my bucks on, I would want to know a bit about those parties ahead of time. Like who attends, is it more male than female, are the people attractive, or at least a good mix of all sorts of types.
You would not want to attend a party like this unless you are really into heterosexual chubby chasing. Because that's what you would have gotten here.
Unfortunately, this party had an outstanding number of fat women. There were two of us who were thin. Me and a woman named B apparently. We discovered this later. Our friend A pounced on her in a hurry and absconded with her svelte person. They have known each other for a while, and have played together over the years. She is married, her guy attends these parties too, but tonight he was elsewhere apparently.
Dave was disappointed because the queer guys were really not here tonight, and the ones who were queer, or seemingly gay, were heading for the door about the time we were.
We all expected something akin to a Black Sheets party, lots of queerness, more variety of types of people, more faggots in attendance, and certainly better music. The Eros party had a really strange mix of music. Everyone yelled later about that, so you can bet the music will be addressed.
The fat women? I don't know. For me, it is more than just an issue of fatness. Just recently I had a conversation with a player who feels the same way I do. "There are a lot of issues going on with them besides just the bigness stuff," he tells me. You get a whole can of worms too. I could sense that coming through as I read the web page and all the comments from (surprise) the big women in attendance.
So, why do I say there may be hope though for this party? Because hopefully they will attract a wider variety of people. Hopefully they will persuade the Eros owners to create a community play space. The nooks and crannies at Eros are cool and nice for twosomes, but if you want to invite a few other people over there's simply not enough larger play spaces. More and larger play areas. Not just cutsey bunk beds.
Did people fuck? A few of us did. Where A took his thin little honeybunch I dunno, it was a really SECRET hiding place I guess.
At one point Dave had me up against the railing by a bunk bed and was taking me from behind, me about a foot off the ground hanging onto the slates of the boards and he standing up behind me. He said it was a great visual. I could look through the slats and realize we had drawn a small crowd. People are always cruising and milling around at these events, checking out the action. Someone said, "Gee, this must be where everyone fucks," said one wag facetiously.
Some of the people we recognized from other parties. But apparently the mood was pretty consistent at the end: we need to have more of the Black Sheets flavor next time.
Better music, better variety of people, more queerness.
We appreciate their effort, we want more next time.
- - - - - - - -
Comments:
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Very interesting. I'm also exploring poly once again, though not swinging. Still, it's interesting to see different "takes" on polyamory.
Since I am a big woman (and I don't think of myself as a whale, I think of myself as a hot fat chick, as I believe there is a distinct difference), I probably should take offense to fat phobia. But I don't. I understand, everyone has their thing, everyone is into something else. I'm not into very thin women, that's my preference. I'm actually most attracted to mesomorphic, extremely muscular individuals...we're talking bulky muscles, not ripped, slender. But back to the fat thing...
The majority of pansexual play/sex parties I've been to are all about drooling heterosexual men who would never ever get laid in the real world chasing after anything with a vagina. And likewise, many of the women who attend these parties are often not women who would be told they are attractive in traditional circles...Otherwise they'd been happily at home snogging someone(s) rather than at a sex club on a Saturday night waiting for Prince Charming to make them feel beautiful. Now, I know there are women (and men) who go to these parties for other reasons, too, such as that they are very much into voyeurism, exhibitionism, group sex, etc. So this is just a comment that SOME of the women that go are pretty unattractive and banking on this as their big chance to get laid.
I'm not sexually attracted to obese, sloppy, untoned people. I'm a fat woman, but I take care of myself: I have good personal hygiene, I am pretty muscular, I try to eat a reasonably diverse and healthy menu, and put a lot of effort into my appearance. I appreciate other people who do, too. I am NOT attracted to people who smell, have questionable hygiene, are really severely out of shape (regardless of how fat or thin they are), or people who are poor dressers. I just don't find them aesthetically pleasing.
I have seen these "whales" at play parties. I am grossed out by many of them. They are lovely people, I'm sure, but why can't they at least take better care of themselves at the size they are? I'm not even advocating a diet/exercise plan, just good hygiene and working on a decent sense of style! Ill-fitting clothing, garish make-up, inappropriate hairdos or footware, and stench do not an attractive person make!
But honestly, most of the men I see at these parties leave much to be desired, too. Most of them are slimey, definitely sketchy, leering and generally repulsive. Many have strong body odor and seem to have neglected to use deoderant/shower/etc. They have a poor sense of fashion, are older and yet go chasing after the youngest woman in the door, and try to come across as "in charge". Some women fall for this, I'm sure, but not me, and not any decently attractive, confident women I know. This is precisely why most of us don't go to these parties! Where are the young, in shape, muscular, well-groomed adonises? Where are the men who actually DO give a rat's arse about a woman's pleasure, and don't try to spend their time convincing women that they know everything there is to know about a woman's pleasure without finding out what works for US as individuals?
So that's the thing: it goes both ways (pardoning the pun). These pansexual parties are often frequented by individuals who can't get laid ordinarily, so they think a sex party is surely the answer to their prayers. They can don leather outfits, corsets, etc, and come bearing gigantic suitcases of tools and impliments, and try to convince one another that they offer so much more than just what they look like: they have SKILLS! But when it comes down to it, very few are physically self-aware, graceful, sexy, etc. I wish going to these parties involved more attractive people overall, but usually it seems like a crowd of aging swingers who haven't been taking care of themselves.
The issue, to me, is so much more than just how big the women are. It's the scene as a whole: one of desperation, of overly-eager individuals trying to connect, to smoosh themselves close to someone else in hopes of pleasure that they lack elsewhere in their lives. I really hope they find it. But this scene is not for me! I like fun, sexy environments with pretty people (and I don't mean all size 2 with implants, either...variety is the spice of life!) who make a big effort to be appealing, and who attend because they want to socialize, perhaps be sexual, etc...but it doesn't matter to them if they get laid, because this isn't the only chance they'll have to do so!
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The majority of pansexual play/sex parties I've been to are all about drooling heterosexual men who would never ever get laid in the real world chasing after anything with a vagina. And likewise, many of the women who attend these parties are often not women who would be told they are attractive in traditional circles...Otherwise they'd been happily at home snogging someone(s) rather than at a sex club on a Saturday night waiting for Prince Charming to make them feel beautiful. Now, I know there are women (and men) who go to these parties for other reasons, too, such as that they are very much into voyeurism, exhibitionism, group sex, etc. So this is just a comment that SOME of the women that go are pretty unattractive and banking on this as their big chance to get laid.
I'm not sexually attracted to obese, sloppy, untoned people. I'm a fat woman, but I take care of myself: I have good personal hygiene, I am pretty muscular, I try to eat a reasonably diverse and healthy menu, and put a lot of effort into my appearance. I appreciate other people who do, too. I am NOT attracted to people who smell, have questionable hygiene, are really severely out of shape (regardless of how fat or thin they are), or people who are poor dressers. I just don't find them aesthetically pleasing.
I have seen these "whales" at play parties. I am grossed out by many of them. They are lovely people, I'm sure, but why can't they at least take better care of themselves at the size they are? I'm not even advocating a diet/exercise plan, just good hygiene and working on a decent sense of style! Ill-fitting clothing, garish make-up, inappropriate hairdos or footware, and stench do not an attractive person make!
But honestly, most of the men I see at these parties leave much to be desired, too. Most of them are slimey, definitely sketchy, leering and generally repulsive. Many have strong body odor and seem to have neglected to use deoderant/shower/etc. They have a poor sense of fashion, are older and yet go chasing after the youngest woman in the door, and try to come across as "in charge". Some women fall for this, I'm sure, but not me, and not any decently attractive, confident women I know. This is precisely why most of us don't go to these parties! Where are the young, in shape, muscular, well-groomed adonises? Where are the men who actually DO give a rat's arse about a woman's pleasure, and don't try to spend their time convincing women that they know everything there is to know about a woman's pleasure without finding out what works for US as individuals?
So that's the thing: it goes both ways (pardoning the pun). These pansexual parties are often frequented by individuals who can't get laid ordinarily, so they think a sex party is surely the answer to their prayers. They can don leather outfits, corsets, etc, and come bearing gigantic suitcases of tools and impliments, and try to convince one another that they offer so much more than just what they look like: they have SKILLS! But when it comes down to it, very few are physically self-aware, graceful, sexy, etc. I wish going to these parties involved more attractive people overall, but usually it seems like a crowd of aging swingers who haven't been taking care of themselves.
The issue, to me, is so much more than just how big the women are. It's the scene as a whole: one of desperation, of overly-eager individuals trying to connect, to smoosh themselves close to someone else in hopes of pleasure that they lack elsewhere in their lives. I really hope they find it. But this scene is not for me! I like fun, sexy environments with pretty people (and I don't mean all size 2 with implants, either...variety is the spice of life!) who make a big effort to be appealing, and who attend because they want to socialize, perhaps be sexual, etc...but it doesn't matter to them if they get laid, because this isn't the only chance they'll have to do so!
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