Thursday, March 23, 2006
A Perfect Couple
One of our friends, female, once remarked of Dave and I, that some people would indeed be envious of our relationship. "A lot of people would like to have what you guys have." By that she meant not so much the sexual peculiarities of our relationship, but our sense of openness and willingness to communicate.
We function best when we can just air everything out, as completely as possible. Of course this presupposes a certain amount of sang froid, or courage, if you will, to look at things closely and in detail in order to understand them and what you must do next. I've learned this over time, and it was one of the first things I inflicted upon Dave. I insisted that we always air things out as completely and as early as possible. This is the best policy, and he pretty much sides with me now on that.
Another one of our friends, also female, commented just recently that, of all her friends, we are the only ones who seem to be getting the poly thing right.
I had to think about that one for a bit too. What ARE we doing right, if anything?
For Dave and I, it helps that we keep the spirit of exploration and experimentation front and center as much as we can. I know this helped me early in our relationship, when I was not sure I even wanted to be in a relationship with a man. Like Samantha in Sex And The City, I was of the opinion that I didn't do relationships either.
But here I was, in one. My shrink gave me good advice going in. "Think of this as an experiment," she said to me. I took her advice and I am taking it still. The experiment is still ongoing. Maybe this gave me enough of a sense of independence that I could make it work, at least for me. Other people may have done it differently.
We have another thing going for us too, I think. A kind of built-in "safety valve" of sorts. Dave is really not that interested in other women, other than one or two he was casually involved with early on in our relationship. And I am really not that interested in other men, beyond the one or two I saw early on as well. So a lot of potential jealousy may have been eliminated at the outset.
Would it bother me if he really DID get keen on another woman? I don't know how that would play with me, it would depend on the woman I suppose, his reaction to her. And while he likes seeing me with other men, Dave would have some problems if I zeroed in on another guy.
So this potential source of trouble is contained, we feel. The playing he does with other men, and that I do with other women, is perfectly acceptable and never gives cause for alarm.
So we can say, rather truthfully, that we are indeed a poly couple as far as our same-sex relationships go. But so far we have not really explored in great depth the connections we could have with our opposite numbers.
It's not that I dream about this exactly, but I am aware I don't avoid it, either. It all depends what the genii in that magic bottle is shaking up next for us. If it's anything like he's served us up so far, well we should be quite happy.
- - - - -
We function best when we can just air everything out, as completely as possible. Of course this presupposes a certain amount of sang froid, or courage, if you will, to look at things closely and in detail in order to understand them and what you must do next. I've learned this over time, and it was one of the first things I inflicted upon Dave. I insisted that we always air things out as completely and as early as possible. This is the best policy, and he pretty much sides with me now on that.
Another one of our friends, also female, commented just recently that, of all her friends, we are the only ones who seem to be getting the poly thing right.
I had to think about that one for a bit too. What ARE we doing right, if anything?
For Dave and I, it helps that we keep the spirit of exploration and experimentation front and center as much as we can. I know this helped me early in our relationship, when I was not sure I even wanted to be in a relationship with a man. Like Samantha in Sex And The City, I was of the opinion that I didn't do relationships either.
But here I was, in one. My shrink gave me good advice going in. "Think of this as an experiment," she said to me. I took her advice and I am taking it still. The experiment is still ongoing. Maybe this gave me enough of a sense of independence that I could make it work, at least for me. Other people may have done it differently.
We have another thing going for us too, I think. A kind of built-in "safety valve" of sorts. Dave is really not that interested in other women, other than one or two he was casually involved with early on in our relationship. And I am really not that interested in other men, beyond the one or two I saw early on as well. So a lot of potential jealousy may have been eliminated at the outset.
Would it bother me if he really DID get keen on another woman? I don't know how that would play with me, it would depend on the woman I suppose, his reaction to her. And while he likes seeing me with other men, Dave would have some problems if I zeroed in on another guy.
So this potential source of trouble is contained, we feel. The playing he does with other men, and that I do with other women, is perfectly acceptable and never gives cause for alarm.
So we can say, rather truthfully, that we are indeed a poly couple as far as our same-sex relationships go. But so far we have not really explored in great depth the connections we could have with our opposite numbers.
It's not that I dream about this exactly, but I am aware I don't avoid it, either. It all depends what the genii in that magic bottle is shaking up next for us. If it's anything like he's served us up so far, well we should be quite happy.
- - - - -
