Monday, July 31, 2006
Cat Up A Tree
We used to live in an old studio with a small yard that had a big tree in the middle of it, with a swing. Our little cat Hillary climbed it one day, then realized that Simon, the fluffy male who lived in the front unit, had come and positioned himself directly under the tree, blocking her way down. She was going to have to encounter him if she ever wanted to get down out of the tree.
So I look out my window and watch their little girl-boy games, and you have to wonder about the humans in all of this. Their games have a similar feel. Men everywhere are always trying to position themselves under that tree somehow, hoping the female in question will: a) trip over them, b) scurry past them somehow, or c) just accept the fact that he is going to be inevitable in her life.
I had a male friend, R, that I met through work at a hospital once in Berkeley. He was a sardonic guy who wasn't much of a talker. That's probably why he adopted the strategy he did with me. His communication skills were not that developed, but he knew how to position himself at least. And position himself he did, trying to catch me at a good time, hanging around and watching me. Guys do that a lot when they don't know how to talk well enough.
I am not sure which I would prefer. Guys who talk their way into your bed, or guys who work their way there by increments, through their efforts at strategery, as our dear leader would say. It's an active thing but it plays as somewhat passive too. You're the one tripping over THEM because they have arranged it.
Usually I get the feeling I can be intimidating to men without trying too hard. So I guess it is not surprising when they resort to strategery. It is sometimes amusing to witness, because I can see the wheels turning as they work on their dilemna. How do they get my attention, but without being too obnoxious?
R took the laid back approach, even though we did lots of things together, adventurous things. Like riding our motorcycles around together, going skinny-dipping up along the Sacramento River, or sailing his yacht in San Francisco Bay. That should have buoyed his confidence, but he still seemed not interested in being too direct with me.
The closest he got was saying to me one day, "Well, in case you want to know, I've had a vasectomy." He no doubt said this in the hopes I would feel safer about bedding him. But I didn't. My interest in him totally dropped from this moment onward. He could not get me pregnant is basically what he said to me, and I must have had hidden resentment about that. Because afterwards we never did move towards sleeping together.
I escaped his "trap," but did I really want to? Women often are meaning "yes" even while they are saying "no." So what's a boy to do?
Continue to hang by the tree, I guess.
- - - - - -
So I look out my window and watch their little girl-boy games, and you have to wonder about the humans in all of this. Their games have a similar feel. Men everywhere are always trying to position themselves under that tree somehow, hoping the female in question will: a) trip over them, b) scurry past them somehow, or c) just accept the fact that he is going to be inevitable in her life.
I had a male friend, R, that I met through work at a hospital once in Berkeley. He was a sardonic guy who wasn't much of a talker. That's probably why he adopted the strategy he did with me. His communication skills were not that developed, but he knew how to position himself at least. And position himself he did, trying to catch me at a good time, hanging around and watching me. Guys do that a lot when they don't know how to talk well enough.
I am not sure which I would prefer. Guys who talk their way into your bed, or guys who work their way there by increments, through their efforts at strategery, as our dear leader would say. It's an active thing but it plays as somewhat passive too. You're the one tripping over THEM because they have arranged it.
Usually I get the feeling I can be intimidating to men without trying too hard. So I guess it is not surprising when they resort to strategery. It is sometimes amusing to witness, because I can see the wheels turning as they work on their dilemna. How do they get my attention, but without being too obnoxious?
R took the laid back approach, even though we did lots of things together, adventurous things. Like riding our motorcycles around together, going skinny-dipping up along the Sacramento River, or sailing his yacht in San Francisco Bay. That should have buoyed his confidence, but he still seemed not interested in being too direct with me.
The closest he got was saying to me one day, "Well, in case you want to know, I've had a vasectomy." He no doubt said this in the hopes I would feel safer about bedding him. But I didn't. My interest in him totally dropped from this moment onward. He could not get me pregnant is basically what he said to me, and I must have had hidden resentment about that. Because afterwards we never did move towards sleeping together.
I escaped his "trap," but did I really want to? Women often are meaning "yes" even while they are saying "no." So what's a boy to do?
Continue to hang by the tree, I guess.
- - - - - -
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