California Reaming - A Woman's Adventures In Polyamory

So I've met Edy in a local Oakland girlie bar, and I definitely feel smitten and interested in knowing more. I find out she is something of a free woman, whatever male was in her life long enough to give her a little boy is no longer in her life. Her female lover seems to be mostly just a friend. Betty was her name, and she owned the girlie bar where we met.

Betty was kind of an interesting woman in herself. Reminds me lots of my friend N in L.A. Older, slim, salt and pepper short hair, definitely butch but not oppressively so. I can feel sort of the attraction but at this point in my life I really don't recognize how certain butch women attract me very much. With some of them, there is just a little space where I can insert my own often butch little idiosyncracies. Without it threatening them. I would never call myself a femme with an edge. But I can't call myself a butch either. I used to think I was, but not really.

My then lover Gerrie referred to me as a "naive butch." I guess that is the best-fitting label at this point in time. It is Gerrie's comments about Edy that fuel my desire to try and go out with her.

But Edy ends up being all tease and no tonnage, as it were. Now I would recognize the signs immediately. It was a flirtation for one night in a bar over pool, period. It took me a bit to wake up to that fact.

In the meantime I tried calling her, I got a haircut, I met her little boy, who does look quite Indian. Edy is part Cherokee, although you would be hard-pressed to wonder which part. Turned out she had quite a temper, but I don't want to give away my ending just yet.

But I can never get her to say yes to a date. I feel like a klutz. Often I have gotten myself enamoured of women who are either not available to me (mostly) or are not going to be appropriate for me (less often, I like to think everyone I pursue is appropriate for me). This is at the heart of my attraction for females. This neediness.

What is the point of this neediness, I wonder? It gets me nowhere. I need to learn how and where to jettison it when it first starts rearing its ever so attractive but ultimately ugly head.

I try to busy myself with my classes at the university, which have now begun in earnest. We're in the middle of the People's Park riots which occurred on campus as part of the late 60s political melee that went on in Berkeley back then.

Makes you wonder how I found time and inclination to moon over a girl. But mooning over women was something I did well back then. Too well.

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