California Reaming - A Woman's Adventures In Polyamory

Guys may not always have it so lucky when the conversation turns to sex. Even though they probably want that to happen. It may not always reflect honor upon them. Their manliness more often than not ends up being examined under a high-powered magnifying glass.

Take for instance the public talk that goes on about condoms. We like to poke fun at the need for such contraptions, but in the end we are all probably using them. But the humor can fade from racy talk like this, particularly when we get a news story out of India that might make a guy - or two or three - think twice before making jokes about condoms. Not that Indian guys do that a lot. They are actually pretty inhibited in a country where sex is a rather conservative topic.

One night recently on the MSNBC ticker tape, I saw a caption of a story out of India, about how the men there were not buying American-made condoms after all. Not because they were inferior, or over-priced. But because the average sized American condom is too big for most Indian males.

Ooohh, I thought. I wonder if this story made headlines back in India. Probably not. Not the sort of story you want bandied about.

Did this apply to Pakistan too? After all, they are right next door, and they are all of the same historical family tree. But you probably couldn't report a story like this out of Pakistan. If they hate us now, just wait until word of their puny private endowments gets out. Al-Qaeda and the rest of the Muslims there won't leave us alone. Talk about your run-up to World War III! Southpark can make fun of the tiny pee-pees of Japanese men, and their skit one month after 9/11 about Osama and his small privates was one of the most hysterically funny and biting pieces ever to hit the airwaves, but this is getting serious now.

So this is why I think the reporting powers that be chose to focus the story on India. They are more likely to have a bit of a sense of humor about such things.

Sort of.

Men in our country would not be amused one whit if they were subjected to similar scrutiny. But it's ok to pick on the Indians I guess. After all, they're the ones now with the jobs. Our jobs, that is. Is this how we get our own back on them?

Men are sensitive about size. Many aren't, fed no doubt on hope generated from hearing women say, since time immemorial, "Well size really doesn't matter that much."

I'd like to find the woman spreading those rumors and give her a good smack to the side of the head! Actually, maybe it was a man who started that rumor, but he attributed it to a woman. I would not be surprised. Because most women I remember ever talking with about this subject felt like I did.

You may not need a salami as large as the Eiffel Tower, but you certainly won't ask it to leave the bedroom.

I must have more of a gay boy's head than I could ever realize. And one of the ways this is true is when it comes to sizes. I love big. It is part of what I like to look at in penises. Along with shape, thickness, curvature. General loveliness. I have been fascinated about male members since before I left the womb.

The horrible thought occurs to me: my childhood fantasy of becoming a man someday was really about my wanting to get close to more penises. If I were a man, I realize now, I wouldn't be boffing women. I would be chasing men like a flea chases the fur of a cat, looking for a place to land.

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